


always

by DismantledSun



Series: Clem Blurbs [5]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-04
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-07-12 07:19:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7091248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DismantledSun/pseuds/DismantledSun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I love you, and I love that you're in my life. This is just integrating our lives just a little bit more."</p>
            </blockquote>





	always

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by the sentence "I want to be exclusive" from [Reyann](http://archiveofourown.org/users/pilotmikey/pseuds/pilotmikey)

Luke fumbled with the keys, nearly dropping them as he let himself into Michael's flat. He closed the door somewhat loudly to notify Michael of his presence before locking it, toeing off his shoes neatly next to Michael's. Pushing his keys into his jacket and pulling out his phone, Luke dropped it on top of his shoes and padded over to the couch. Luke sat down heavily, tucking his legs up onto the cushion and pushing his feet against the armrest to pivot towards Michael, who had been watching Luke from the couch the entire time. Michael had a soft smile on his face, which Luke returned eagerly.

"Hi," Luke said, voice cheerful. It was more for the sake of formality; Michael knew Luke was coming over. Their greetings were more of an inside joke at that point, fully aware that they could just come into each other's flats and ask about dinner.

"Hi, Lukey," Michael said, opening his arms up to pull Luke towards him. "I missed you."

"You saw me yesterday, you sap," Luke said, feeling Michael's small laugh reverberate through his side. He was watching out the window, looking as the grey birds meshed with the cloudy sky, but he could almost see the soft look on Michael's face.

"Still too long of a gap," Michael said. He sounded so sure, so genuinely upset at the albeit very short time frame since when they last saw each other.

"If you have me over any more often then I'll practically be moved in." There was a slight laugh in his voice, both at Michael's slightly unusual clinginess and that Luke knew he wouldn't move in, not yet, despite how much they talked about it.

As much as Luke would love to spend every night asleep in Michael's arms and feed the birds little pieces of muffins much to Michael's chagrin, he knew he wouldn't.

Although if he did, Luke would probably set up bird feeders – Michael would eventually grow to enjoy the birds, even if he said he wouldn't. He might actually make the bed and fold towels if he moved in. Maybe. But Luke didn't think he would. They talked about holding onto their small bubble of ignorance where they didn't know each other quite to that degree of detail.

"But you should."

It was such a simple statement, so few words said in so quick a time span. Luke almost thought Michael was joking, referring to something else, anything, but he sounded so serious.

A small smile filled Luke's face, his heart warm. Michael had always seemed distanced, which Luke wasn't always happy with but accepted anyway. He cared about Michael and didn't want him to lock part of himself away; he was brash and loud and had no restraint at times, but he also used that to hide away parts of himself. That Michael was actively inviting Luke into a much bigger part of his life meant the world to Luke.

"Really?" Luke asked, voice hopeful but not too much. "What happened to not getting to know one another too well?"

He had wanted them to take that further step, to be closer in their relationship, but he didn't want to push Michael into anything. Secretly he was already imagining living with Michael, how it would work with Michael's apartment and his things, but he wouldn't tell Michael. He didn't want to scare him away.

"I think I know you quite well already. Like you said, you're practically moved in."

"So you really want me to?"

"Of course, Luke," Michael said, hugging Luke into his side. "I love you, and I love that you're in my life. This is just integrating our lives just a little bit more."

"I love you too," Luke replied, leaning his head against Michael to do his part in their embrace. It felt nice, curled into Michael's side, warmth radiating into him.

"I want to be exclusive," Michael continued after a slight pause for Luke to speak. Michael sounded calm enough, almost happy, but Michael's statement did wonders to his heart in a way Luke hardly fancied. It was like ice struck at him.

"Wait," Luke started, sitting up and scooting away from Michael to face him. He felt heat grow in his face and he tried to fight it down. "What?"

"Us. I want us to be exclusive," Michael started, vaguely gesturing as though he didn't know how to explain. "You know, only dating each other, no one else in the picture, only us, the like?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Luke started, scooting to the other end of the couch until his back was up against the arm rest. He pulled his legs closer towards his chest

"Luke, what's wrong? I thought I explained it fairly well," Michael said, slow and soft, voice lilting up into a question so he didn't sound as insensitive. Luke didn't like the way his face smoothed with concern. It was too nice for the anger building up within him.

"I've thought we've always been exclusive, Michael. Always."

"I– you what?" Michael looked genuinely taken aback and surprised. It really shouldn't have been a surprise. It shouldn't have. They were in a relationship. They were dating. They never talked about anything else but dating each other. Luke felt his heart slowly breaking.

"What, or I guess I should say who have you been doing, Michael," Luke said, voice sad. He didn't want to know; he wanted to live in his happy ignorance. That wasn't going to happen. "Michael?"

"I've been messing around with Calum," Michael began slowly. His cheeks tinted pink as if he was embarrassed. Luke's cheeks tinted pink with anger and hurt.

"Calum?"

As if their situation couldn't get any worse. Luke could handle some pretty face, someone with sad eyes and a winning smile, someone who could melt hearts and win boys no matter where they went. Luke could handle someone who's face he'd never seen and whose name he could resent until he didn't feel as broken. That, he could handle. He most certainly couldn't handle his best friend.

"Yeah, but–"

"No. No, you don't get to pull that shit. You don't get to say, 'But I love you. I've always loved you.' You don't get to tell me Calum meant nothing because we both know how much you care about him.

"This entire time, this entire fucking time, I've been referring to you as my boyfriend, Michael. I've been only dating you, despite the number of lovely men I've seen. And meanwhile you've been fucking around with Calum? Calum – my best friend, save for you – and neither of you thought to take this time share this with me? The other one in our apparently not yet exclusive relationship?

"Why, Michael? Am I boring? Because I can assure you, if you'd much rather screw around with Calum just date him instead."

Luke glared at Michael, arms crossed over his chest, trying desperately to look furious and upset rather than broken. When he had come over, Luke never fathomed that he would go from such elation to hurt. There was a stark difference between moving in and completely leaving.

"Luke," Michael said, soft like he didn't want to break Luke. He didn't reach out or raise his voice, which Luke was grateful for, but all consideration aside, it didn't help Michael's case much. "If I wanted to date Calum, I wouldn't have asked to be exclusive with you. I wouldn't have asked you to move in with me."

"Oh yeah, I can really tell," Luke muttered bitterly. "I feel so loved. Would you have bothered to tell me that you were screwing my best friend? Or did you think doing that behind my back would have made all the problems just disappear? Just fuck around until you were both contented and move on. No one had to know."

"Luke, please don't be angry at Cal."

"'Cal'," Luke laughed, short and clipped. Never mind the fact that the nickname persisted well before they were presumably doing things Luke didn't need to know about. "Right now I'm quite angry at the both of you."

"I was the one who convinced him to not mention it to you," Michael said, choking the words out like they were hard for him to admit. He tipped his head down and his speech grew soft. Luke wasn't sure how much longer he could stand their conversation.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"He's your best friend–"

"Was my best friend," Luke corrected, bitter scowl directed towards Michael.

"He's your best friend, Luke. I didn't want anything bad to happen to that."

"Did you ever think, hm, maybe if you just told me that you'd rather date Calum instead of me, it would have been better?"

"I love Cal, but not the same way."

"Fun fact, Michael, polygamy is still very much illegal and criminalized. Go directly to jail, do not pass go, try again."

"Can you stow the dry humor for two minutes and just talk this out with me? Please?"

"Oh, I've barely started talking," Luke said, well and fully prepared to talk at Michael until he released all of his anger. "How long has this been going on?"

"Before we got together," Michael said, and Luke didn't know whether to be relieved that they didn't start messing around after Luke started dating Michael or not. At least Michael wasn't so awful that he used Calum as a substitute. It was hardly a consolation, though.

"And after?"

"One last time turned into just once more and it never really ended." Michael sounded strained as though it was genuinely painful to say everything.

"And Calum?" Luke asked. He really hoped he wasn't betrayed by both of his best friends. It felt like Luke's world was crashing down already. He didn't need anything else to knock it all to pieces.

"Said we should stop the moment I decided I wanted to ask you out."

"You're such an asshole," Luke muttered through a sigh, standing up from the couch to pace, running his hands through his hair. He pushed all the fringe back on top of his head then let it fall limp, too upset to bother with fixing it. "Why did you do that to Calum?"

"Well I didn't force him!"

"But you didn't let him go either," Luke said, turning around to face Michael. His stance was wide yet shrunken, trying to appear stronger than he felt. Luke curled his fingers into the sides of his shirt, desperate for something to hold onto.

"It just happened, Luke."

"Things like that don't just happen, Michael. Not repeatedly."

"Calum's not the focus right now," Michael muttered wearily. Exasperation was flowing through both of them.

"Are you kidding me? Calum's not the focus? You fucked this up for him almost as badly as you did for me. He's my friend and I'm angry at him for things you so graciously said were your fault."

"Calum is my friend too, Luke. Don't forget that. I don't want him to be upset any more than I want you to be. I care about him too."

Luke laughed, as though he needed some release to keep from breaking down, and bordering hysterical laughter and dry humor helped. "No shit. Did you hire a detective to figure that one out? I enjoy having sex with my best friend, but it's okay, I don't care about him in the slightest."

Michael paused a moment, sighing heavily at Luke's evasive comments. "How can I fix this?"

Luke walked over to Michael's small table, picking up a water glass off of it and peered through it. "You know how sand makes glass? If you chip or break glass then someone glues the pieces together and says it's fixed. Spare the poor man who stares at the desert and says, 'How do I fix it?'"

"Luke, what are you–"

"Michael, you can't fix this. This," Luke said, gesturing between them. "It's gone. You're the poor man sitting in the desert trying to glue sand together and drink water from it."

Luke looked at Michael, how he peered helplessly up at him, before laughing, filled with self-deprecation and pity. He couldn't tell if he pitied himself or Michael. Luke wanted to cry.

He turned walked towards the door, not turning back when he heard Michael stand up from the couch. He picked up his jacket and shrugged it on, stepping into his shoes at the same time. Pushing his hands into the pockets, Luke pivoted on his toe to face Michael.

"Where are you going?" Michael asked, already knowing the answer but stalling Luke nevertheless. Luke was too tired to argue much.

"Home."

"Home is here," Michael tried, doing little to convince Luke; he was too far gone and he didn't intend on coming back.

"We both know that it isn't." Luke needed to leave or he would start crying like he wanted to. He needed to leave Michael in order to fully break.

"What happened to always?" Michael whispered, eyes shining in the pale light from the window. The birds had since left.

"Always is the stuff of fantasies – it's just a dream, Michael, and eventually someone will wake you up to the harshness that is reality." Luke twisted his hands in his pockets, uncomfortable and wanting to leave.

"What about Calum?"

"I'll call him later. We'll meet up and talk. I'm upset, but I'm willing to listen."

"And yet you can't listen to me?" Michael asked, eyes moving frantically about Luke's face. Luke could tell he was desperate to reach out and touch Luke.

"I tried."

"Not hard enough," Michael said, pitch rising as his voice became clouded with emotion. Luke felt like breaking made him all the more numb.

"No, but I tried," Luke said. He felt Michael's key still in his pocket. Pulling out his keys, Luke slowly slid the key to Michael's flat off of the ring and extended it out towards Michael.

"What will you do?" Michael asked, not taking back his key. Luke let his arm hover between them.

"I'll do what I did before we started dating; I'll actually live my life." Luke knew how insensitive he was being. He could send Michael an apology card with a cat on it later – he wasn't in the mood to be rational.

"But who–"

"I have Ashton still. I'll have Calum hopefully. My life didn't revolve around you, Michael, as much as you'd like to believe it did," Luke replied, turning halfway to the door, zipping up his jacket in the process.

"Just please be careful. You're angry and upset and you shouldn't be alone. Don't do anything reckless. You really shouldn't–"

Luke turned back to look at Michael, an expression of utter irritation seizing his face. "You really should have thought of that beforehand before you decided to lie. You threw everything away, myself included."

"I tried."

"Not hard enough," Luke muttered, mirroring what Michael said earlier.

"No, but I tried. I tried to keep from hurting you," Michael said, reaching out to grab Luke's arm before stilling and bringing it in to clasp his own hand.

"You really didn't, though, Michael. You went about it all the wrong way. You should have tried so much harder if you expected me to hold on after all this."

"But–"

"Goodbye, Michael," Luke said, dropping his key on the floor before walking out the door. He closed it quietly, fading out of Michael's life instead of stomping away. He didn't want to be remembered.

As he walked away, despite the tears falling down his face, he didn't look back. He couldn't. He watched as his feet tread across the pavement of their own accord, but he didn't dare look back. He didn't want to remember.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sure Michael is actually a sweetie. Please have healthy relationships filled with communication.
> 
> Come hang out on [tumblr](http://petalmikey.tumblr.com) where if you sent in a prompt the blurb might end up here one day.


End file.
